


Hidden

by painted_pain



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-31
Updated: 2012-03-31
Packaged: 2017-11-02 20:00:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/372816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/painted_pain/pseuds/painted_pain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every night he cries and shakes and aches. Every morning he gets up, hides everything away, locks it up tight and pretends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hidden

Dean walks through this new life empty, senses dulled. He builds impenetrable walls around himself but survives each day. His limbs move and words tumble past his lips but he’s missing something vital, something fundamental to his being; he’s missing his heart. It’s trapped beneath tonnes of earth and hellfire, and Dean can’t get at it; he’s not allowed, he made a  _promise_ . And in the darkest part of the night, when the world is silent and there are no distractions, he comes alive enough to think, to miss, to hurt.  
  
 _I’d do anything to get you back but I can’t because you’re you. You’re Sam. You’re my little brother. I can’t break this promise - you’re_ my _Sam and I would do anything for you_ .  
  
And in the morning he stows everything away, locks it back up, moving through this life that’s not his. But each upward twitch of his lips marks a memory when Sam was by his side, of a time when Dean had everything. He can’t care about how much he misses Sam, how it’s too much. Dean can’t breathe without his little brother.  
  
 _I want your love and your hatred, your revenge and your praise. I will take anything you have to give me. What we have is not right, was never right – it’s not healthy_ but I do not fucking care. _I need you here. I can’t do this without you. I don’t want to._  
  
Sam is gone and Dean would take it all back, all the good and the bad, just to have Sam, because it hurts too much without him, catching at his broken and jagged edges, tearing him up into well-worn strips of self-loathing and worthlessness. Even if their relationship was always too co-dependent, too involved, it was worth it, just to have Sam by his side every day. Dean would rather fight with Sam every second of every day than not have him at all.  
  
 _None of it matters. All that crap, all that shitty stuff we went through, it doesn’t fucking matter because I can’t do this without you. Sam._ Goddammit, _Sammy ... I can’t ..._  
  
Every night he cries and shakes and aches. Every morning he gets up, hides everything away, locks it up tight and pretends.


End file.
